Fighting to heal

As you may have gathered if you started following my fitness story, I have begun to be obsessed with martial arts. In particular, Muay Thai.

Muay Thai is a full contact sport that teaches you how to utilize your whole body for defense.

To watch someone who has trained for a long time and really dialed into their skills is a beautiful thing.

While learning the art and practicing my new skills , hoping to one day master them , I have found a new strength I didn’t know I had.

I have been in abusive relationships. Mentally and physically abusive. I didn’t know how to cope or how to get out for a long time.

I, if you can say it was a blessing am very blessed to have found my way out before things escalated to a level I couldn’t find my way out of. I believe that I survived the first relationship which was neglectful and ended with physical abuse , to prepare me for how to get through the controlling and neglectful relationship that came next.

I find myself with every class, throwing myself into observing those training around me.

You learn to respect and love yourself on s whole other level , all while learning to put your full trust into your partner.

I know that I am surrounded by people who are stronger, faster and who train to fight for competition. I know that while I second guess myself when I am in control they are accurate in their anticipation of my next move.

Being able to relax and trust in another is a feeling I cannot describe.

Writing this post to share with all of you , to tell the world what I’ve hidden from most is empowering.

I can only hope that if you are feeling like you are stuck , lost, not worthy , that you can wash those thoughts away and realize how truly brave you are.

Without risk there is no possibility.

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